The Rejection Reversal, "Waiting for Waits," & "Incarnation"

Each Rejection is a BIG Step Forward: a Rite of Passage. AND a little bit about “s’s.”

Adam Jon Miller

Mar 11, 2024

“Rejection is the sand in the oyster, the irritation that ultimately produces the pearl.”

– Burke Wilkinson

This man ⬆️ is trying to turn into a pearl.

The Rejection Reversal

Yes, rejection is a part of life—it is.

And, yes, I will soon demonstrate for you how rejection is a whoppingly LARGE part of a writer’s life—It. Really. Is.

It’s true, every one of us—regardless of our walk in life—will get nabbed, more than once.

It can happen while dating, during job hunts; it certainly happens when we get fired or demoted; it can happen during an everyday social encounter with a friend.

Rejection is a rite of human existence—it’s inescapable. And it hurts.

It feels something like being lonely. Or like being ignored. Or like being ignored while others happily gather around you. You’re alone at a party, desperately nibbling on snacks; uncomfortable. It feels like something is wrong inside you. It happens in your chest, or your gut. It squirms around. And then your mind starts generating self-defeating thoughts about why you suck so badly! It’s a genuine saga of self.

But there is good news! Rejection can be reframed. Reversed. Rewired.

Here’s how: You flip it over, you reverse it—you make it into a very good thing.

While submitting poems, stories and photographs to literary journals, I try to keep in mind: Each rejection is a BIG step forward, a rite of passage.

It’s a scar won while walking down the road of the hero’s journey. A notch in the belt. It’s whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It’s life. But mostly, it’s mindset.

“Learn to eat rejection; it will make you stronger.”

– Bob Ragland

I am going to share something with you I haven’t shared with anyone else until NOW.

Looking back at my Submittable account, between Oct. 25, 2013, when i sent out my first submission through the software, and today, I have 250 rejections.

Submittable calls them “declined” submissions, not “rejected” ones. But whatever.

I have 40 current submissions that are active, awaiting a response. What’s with these nice, clean, even numbers? Oh, you just wait—number 251 could hit my inbox any second, throwing everything out of whack, into a world of ~~space~~ odd-ity. 😃

Actually, I hope it does. And soon.

The reason why: I have 7 acceptances. Publications to be proud of.

So, here’s how to flip rejection on its back and give it the spanking it deserves: Say this to yourself, out loud—

➡️ I WANT MORE OF THEM. MORE REJECTIONS, PLEASE! ⬅️

Order ‘em up, Chef!
With cheese or chili—who cares!—just send them my way. For breakfast, lunch and dinner, I want to eat rejection!

Not that this is totally formulaic, but based on past experience and numbers, if I currently had 500 rejections, that would also roughly translate to having14 publications.

Yeah, that’s the ticket! Actually, one might say a writer improves in craft over time, so really, it could be something closer to 20 publications. Maybe more!

Either way, a writer has to have tough skin. Because, a writer is placing his/her heart on the page for the world to read/ step on. It’s personal stuff. And it can be a gruelingly competitive endeavor, when many journals accept only 1 to 3% of the submissions sent in.

SO, mastering the Rejection Reversal is really the only way through.

Besides, now that you know I have been rejected SO MANY times, you can handle getting a few yourself, can’t ya?

Look, before The Great Gatsby, F. Scott had over 100 himself.

“Work like hell! I had 122 rejection slips before I sold a story.”

– F. Scott Fitzgerald

I’m not saying to send your stuff out before it’s ready. But once it is, as my grandma would say, don’t be bashful.

Get yerself some rejections! Yes, I misspelled yerself for effect.

Just think of me next time you post that heartfelt thing of yours on Facebook (not Meta) only to discover not a single soul has hearted or thumbs-upped or cared. When you are left all alone.

It hurts. But I’m right there with you. Flip that baby over and get back to writing something YOU feel is awesome.

Be awesome again, and …

“Waiting for Waits”—a poem

*Don’t worry!* The photo above isn’t real. Tom is still alive!

Waiting for Waits

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Mornings I’m a wreck until I root 
through headlines & don’t find

one saying Tom Waits has passed. 
Life is tough. People die. 

It’s hard to stop worrying about living
in a world with no more Tom.

I’m 46. Old enough to know 
it’s selfish to worry about someone

I’ve never met: Dying. It’s really 
just me worrying about me: Dying.

Tom was born on December 7, 1949. 
He's 73—not that old.

In a few days, my grandma turns 100. 
Though she’s tired, it’s possible Tom

has 25 years left. I Want More 
music, More Tom.

More confetti, anvils, and soot. 
More whiskey, cigarettes, and rust.

I submitted this poem and “Incarnation,” to the Offing, a literary magazine I really enjoy.

These poems were in review for a very long time. Not a whole year, but the majority of it. I was 46 when I submitted, and my grandma, Gee Gee, is now on her way to 101. (read about Gee Gee here).

I am thankful for this rejection. You heard me. I have since made some minor edits to improve the poem. And I also realized it was time to start publishing a portion of my poetry on WORDINGHOUSE rather than sending out to lit mags.

There is something special to me about including Tom Waits and my Grandma together. I LOVE TOM WAITS and I LOVE MY GRANDMA. So why not create a poem/world where they can co-exist in harmony?
And then there is this talking about the fear of death. My own, Tom’s, my Grandma’s. I fear them all. But why?
All I know is that, now, I fear them just a tiny, little smidgen less; after writing them down into a poem and sharing them with you.
So thank you, friend, for being there.
And that sting of rejection?—I have forgotten all about it.

But in case you want to see what some of these rejection messages look like, I placed a few of them on a pink background for you to browse, because I think pink makes them feel warmer. More accepting.

“Incarnation”—a poem

Because of the Incarnation, I salute all remaining matter with reverence.

—John of Damascus

Incarnation

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be the silence brothers 
i am the gatekeeper 
of my own 

the children are my heart 
they live 
inside my beating 

if you listen 
you can watch them  
fortresss

see what it tastes like 
when your ears gatekeep 
your teeth 

ungodly undresss 
your flesh
the color of prayer 

when she Easters 
from all this rising 
this too shall not passs

This poem—I don’t remember the inspiration. Actually, I have no idea what it is about.
What I can say is that there are a few things going on within it. Using nouns as verbs and verbs as nouns: “when she Easters” & “they live / inside my beating” & “you can watch them / fortresss.”
And, like a smooth criminal, I’m stealing from my self again.
Adding extra “s’s” like in a poem I wrote called “web/webs.” Well then, I guess this is its ssister poem.
On the “s” thing. What can I say? I dig double and triple “s’s.”
And then turning the “this too shall passs” phrase on top of itself by negating it. And then crossing out the negation. Why the heck not?
Oh, and the title—I’ve decided it should be pronounced: Encarnación.
LIKE THIS:

⬇️⬇️⬇️

The following are AI images generated using Adobe Firefly. They are all created using the same prompt: show what rejection feels like.

Oh, by the way …

Weekly WORD—

Incarnation—

No, no, no, hold on please—get it right, Adam, you dog!

Encarnación—

The act of embodying
A cool place in Paraguay
When the word “Edwin” precedes it: a Dominican former professional baseball designated hitter, third baseman and first baseman.

Used in a sentence:

Y John Wayne -en su vida y en su obra- fue siempre la encarnación del héroe del Oeste.

—El Mundo del Siglo Veintiuno (1994)

And now translated into English by la Divinidad Todopoderosa, Google:

And John Wayne - in his life and in his work - was always the embodiment of the Western hero.

—The World of the Twenty-First Century (1994)